Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
