return my video game
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
