SEEEEXXX PLEASE
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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