I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
