sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Fuck appropriateness.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
