I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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