she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
