Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
