We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
