you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
