I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
