i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
