I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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