IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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