What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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