There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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