so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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