don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
