Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
