Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
