Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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