carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
