if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
