will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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