Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
