Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
