im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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