Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
