Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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