Sry I called you an 8
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
