people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
