This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Randomize
