My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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