Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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