I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize