Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
