We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
