Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
