im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
