Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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