Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
