i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
