you told grandpa to call you daddy
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
