hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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