I'm so fucking centered right now
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
found the other keg... it's in the tree
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
