Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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