i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
