I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize