If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
