maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
