Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize