so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
