ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
