i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
