I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
