My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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