Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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