im six kinds of drunk right now
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you had me at cake vodka
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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