Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
