There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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