What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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