3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
