My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think my moral compass just broke
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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