i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
