I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
