im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
