Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
